Banta
> Banta was bragging to his boss one day,"You know, I know everyone thereis
> to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of hisboasting,
> his boss called his bluff, "OK, Banta how about Tom Cruise?"
> "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bantaand
> his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
> door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Banta! Great to see you!You
> and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
> Although impressed, Banta's boss is still skeptical. After they leave
> Cruise's house, he tells Banta that he thinks Banta's knowing
> Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Banta says.
> "President Clinton,"his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Banta says,
> "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." At the White House, Clinton
> spots Banta on the tour and motions him and his boss over,saying,"Banta,
> what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting,
> but you and your friend come on in and have a cup of coffee first.>
> " Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totallyconvinced.
> After they leave the White House, he expresses his doubts to
> Banta, who again implores him to name anyone else.
> " The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Banta. "My folks are from
> Poland, and I've known the pope a long time." So they fly to
> Rome. Banta and his boss are assembled with the masses in VaticanSquare
> when Banta says, "This will never work. I can't catch
> the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the
> guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the
> balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed towardthe
> Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Banta emerges
> with the Pope on the balcony.>
> But by the time Banta returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
> attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to
> his boss' side, Banta asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and
> says,"I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on
> the balcony and the man next to me said,"Who's that on the balcony with
> Banta?">
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit are worst enemies. One day they were
out in the forest munching on grass when they stumble upon a
Golden Frog.
"I will grant you each 3 wishes if you don't eat me," said the Frog.
"Ok," answered the Rabbit and Bear.
The Bear went first:
"I want to be the only male bear in this forest!"
"Wish granted."
The Rabbit said: "I want a crash helmet."
"Wish granted."
"What a waste, dumb bunny. I want to be the only male bear in
all the surrounding forests!"
"Wish granted."
"I'd like a motor cycle," said the Rabbit.
"Done."
A nice Harley appeared in front of the Rabbit and he put on his
helmet and hopped on the bike.
"My last wish is: I WANT TO BE THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN THIS WHOLE
WORLD!!!"
"Okay," said the bored Frog.
"Last wish, idiot," said the bear
The Rabbit revved up the bike and said, "I want Mr. Bear to
be gay!" and drove away.
--Submitted by Geo
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A GRENADE AT YOU?
Pull the plug and throw it back.
A reason to Laugh...
> >
> >
> > >A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
> > >
> > >Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training
> > >before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
> > >
> > >The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with
> > >President Clinton, please say 'how are you'.
> > >Then Mr Clinton should say> "I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say
> 'me
> > >too'.
> > >
> > >Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you." It looks
> quite
> > >simple, but the truth is ....
> > >
> > >When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You ?".
> > >Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor :
> > >Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..." and you?
> > >Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.."
> > >
> > >Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.
> >
> >
> >
Apocalypse Pow!
The world is coming to an end in three days, and God wants to warn the world. So he decides to bring the three most important people into Heaven so they can relay the massage. He calls up Ross Perot, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates and tells them the story.
When they get back down Clinton calls a Press conference and tells the country: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a god, and the bad news is the world is coming to an end in three days."
Ross Perot calls a meeting at his company and tells them, "I have some bad news and some worse news. The bad news is I'm not really god, some other guy is; and the worse news is that the world is coming to an end in three days."
Then Bill Gates gets on the 'Net and e-mails his company: "Hey guys, guess what; I have some good news and some great news! The good news is God thinks I'm one of the three most important people in the world. The great news is I don't have to fix all the bugs in Windows 2000!"
For more jokes, click Joke-Of-The-Day.com
Return to Top
** Privates on Parade
Two generals, one from the Army, and one from the Air Force, were
having a debate with a Marines general about whose soldiers were the
bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman:
"Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild
Blue Yonder,' and then jump off!"
"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a
shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting
the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the
general.
"Bravery, nothing," snorts the Army general. "Get over here,
private!"
"YES SIR!!" replies the private.
"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale
that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National
Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."
"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.
"Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"
They look to the Marine. "Private," he says.
"YES SIR!!"
"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only
one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of
Montezuma,' put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."
The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "TO
HELL WITH YOU SIR!!"
The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"
For more jokes, click Joke-Of-The-Day.com.
Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 09:07:13 AKD
I don't think this was sweet until the end....it is the
best chain i have ever read .....its sooo sweet
_________________________________________________________________
This is so cute!!!!!! and it's all true! All those things that they
say girls love guys for is true!!! (hint) (hint)
_________________________________________________________________
This is really cute guys! especially the end :o)
_________________________________________________________________
This chain letter is real we followed the
instructions and we are going out with our crushes!!
LISTEN TO THIS LETTER AND GOOD LUCK!
HONEY
AND TIGGER
_________________________________________________________________
Sorry, but this chain letter is for
real, I got it the first time, and I ignored it and a week later and the
love
of my life for 6-months dumped me for no good reason so beware, and just
send
the stupid letter!!!!!!
_________________________________________________________________
The Lovers of the Heart
In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the
mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.
_________________________________________________________________
Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing (i hate that)
6. Kiss anywhere else ... lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes ... kiss me
8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go
Article 2: The Three Steps
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still
good
3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is
rude to stare
Article 3: The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take
one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.
**Remember**
A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss without
some tongue so open
up your mouth,
close your eyes,
and give your tongue some
exercise!!!
_________________________________________________________________
WELL here's a few reasons
why guys like girls
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in
the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end makes
it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out
side
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know
that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after
you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you
know that an hour later you will be arguing about something
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that
silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way apologize when it does hurt .
(even though we don't admit it)!
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so
that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love
them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would
die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world they become everything to
you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths
of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a
sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them
for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a
thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.
>>> This chain started in 1887. It is a love chain letter. In 5 days you
are supposed to send it to 25 people. It is easy, just look
into
chat rooms and find them. Anyway, send it to 25 people in 5
days. Now here comes the fun part. You then say the name
of the person you like or love and then the person will say "I
love you," or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!!!!!
Now the consequences:
The consequences are:
>>> If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future
relationships. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy
camper!!!
Congratulations! You have been chosen to participate in the
LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the Internet!
Once read, this letter must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within
the hour) be sent to 10 people. After you send it, make a
wish and it will come true in the amount of time of days, as
the time. For example, if you sent it @ 8:00, your wish will
come true in eight YOU MAY NOT WAIT FOR A CERTAIN
TIME TO SEND IT........ REMEMBER, IT MUST BE SENT
WITHIN 5 DAYS, OR YOUR WISH WILL NOT COME
TRUE!
PLEASE CONTINUE IT NOW!!!
*WARNING*
IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON, SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU
* NOTE*
THE MORE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR LOVE
LIFE. IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN LETTER (IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE 1887) YOU WILL
HAVE BAD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR SEVEN YEARS. THIS IS NO JOKE.
GOOD LUCK!
Here's the catch .....if you email it to ::::
0 people -- nothing too bad will happen?
1-11 people -- you will get a happy surprise!
12-21 people -- someone that likes you will come out and tell
you
22-31 people -- someone that likes you will ask you out
33-41+ people -- YOU WILL SEE (IT IS DEFINITELY GOOD)
*** GENESISTER ACT
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and
Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their
calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the
Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they
are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they
have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise.
Clearly, they are Russian."
> Banta was bragging to his boss one day,"You know, I know everyone thereis
> to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of hisboasting,
> his boss called his bluff, "OK, Banta how about Tom Cruise?"
> "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bantaand
> his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
> door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Banta! Great to see you!You
> and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
> Although impressed, Banta's boss is still skeptical. After they leave
> Cruise's house, he tells Banta that he thinks Banta's knowing
> Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Banta says.
> "President Clinton,"his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Banta says,
> "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." At the White House, Clinton
> spots Banta on the tour and motions him and his boss over,saying,"Banta,
> what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting,
> but you and your friend come on in and have a cup of coffee first.>
> " Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totallyconvinced.
> After they leave the White House, he expresses his doubts to
> Banta, who again implores him to name anyone else.
> " The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Banta. "My folks are from
> Poland, and I've known the pope a long time." So they fly to
> Rome. Banta and his boss are assembled with the masses in VaticanSquare
> when Banta says, "This will never work. I can't catch
> the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the
> guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the
> balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed towardthe
> Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Banta emerges
> with the Pope on the balcony.>
> But by the time Banta returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
> attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to
> his boss' side, Banta asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and
> says,"I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on
> the balcony and the man next to me said,"Who's that on the balcony with
> Banta?">
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit are worst enemies. One day they were
out in the forest munching on grass when they stumble upon a
Golden Frog.
"I will grant you each 3 wishes if you don't eat me," said the Frog.
"Ok," answered the Rabbit and Bear.
The Bear went first:
"I want to be the only male bear in this forest!"
"Wish granted."
The Rabbit said: "I want a crash helmet."
"Wish granted."
"What a waste, dumb bunny. I want to be the only male bear in
all the surrounding forests!"
"Wish granted."
"I'd like a motor cycle," said the Rabbit.
"Done."
A nice Harley appeared in front of the Rabbit and he put on his
helmet and hopped on the bike.
"My last wish is: I WANT TO BE THE ONLY MALE BEAR IN THIS WHOLE
WORLD!!!"
"Okay," said the bored Frog.
"Last wish, idiot," said the bear
The Rabbit revved up the bike and said, "I want Mr. Bear to
be gay!" and drove away.
--Submitted by Geo
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A GRENADE AT YOU?
Pull the plug and throw it back.
A reason to Laugh...
> >
> >
> > >A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
> > >
> > >Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training
> > >before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
> > >
> > >The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with
> > >President Clinton, please say 'how are you'.
> > >Then Mr Clinton should say> "I am fine, and you ?" Now you should say
> 'me
> > >too'.
> > >
> > >Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you." It looks
> quite
> > >simple, but the truth is ....
> > >
> > >When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You ?".
> > >Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor :
> > >Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..." and you?
> > >Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.."
> > >
> > >Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.
> >
> >
> >
Apocalypse Pow!
The world is coming to an end in three days, and God wants to warn the world. So he decides to bring the three most important people into Heaven so they can relay the massage. He calls up Ross Perot, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates and tells them the story.
When they get back down Clinton calls a Press conference and tells the country: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a god, and the bad news is the world is coming to an end in three days."
Ross Perot calls a meeting at his company and tells them, "I have some bad news and some worse news. The bad news is I'm not really god, some other guy is; and the worse news is that the world is coming to an end in three days."
Then Bill Gates gets on the 'Net and e-mails his company: "Hey guys, guess what; I have some good news and some great news! The good news is God thinks I'm one of the three most important people in the world. The great news is I don't have to fix all the bugs in Windows 2000!"
For more jokes, click Joke-Of-The-Day.com
Return to Top
** Privates on Parade
Two generals, one from the Army, and one from the Air Force, were
having a debate with a Marines general about whose soldiers were the
bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman:
"Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild
Blue Yonder,' and then jump off!"
"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a
shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting
the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the
general.
"Bravery, nothing," snorts the Army general. "Get over here,
private!"
"YES SIR!!" replies the private.
"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale
that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National
Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."
"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task.
"Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"
They look to the Marine. "Private," he says.
"YES SIR!!"
"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only
one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of
Montezuma,' put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."
The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "TO
HELL WITH YOU SIR!!"
The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"
For more jokes, click Joke-Of-The-Day.com.
Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 09:07:13 AKD
I don't think this was sweet until the end....it is the
best chain i have ever read .....its sooo sweet
_________________________________________________________________
This is so cute!!!!!! and it's all true! All those things that they
say girls love guys for is true!!! (hint) (hint)
_________________________________________________________________
This is really cute guys! especially the end :o)
_________________________________________________________________
This chain letter is real we followed the
instructions and we are going out with our crushes!!
LISTEN TO THIS LETTER AND GOOD LUCK!
HONEY
AND TIGGER
_________________________________________________________________
Sorry, but this chain letter is for
real, I got it the first time, and I ignored it and a week later and the
love
of my life for 6-months dumped me for no good reason so beware, and just
send
the stupid letter!!!!!!
_________________________________________________________________
The Lovers of the Heart
In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the
mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.
_________________________________________________________________
Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing (i hate that)
6. Kiss anywhere else ... lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes ... kiss me
8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go
Article 2: The Three Steps
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still
good
3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is
rude to stare
Article 3: The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take
one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.
**Remember**
A peach is a peach
A plum is a plum,
A kiss isn't a kiss without
some tongue so open
up your mouth,
close your eyes,
and give your tongue some
exercise!!!
_________________________________________________________________
WELL here's a few reasons
why guys like girls
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in
the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end makes
it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out
side
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know
that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after
you just had a big fight
15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you
know that an hour later you will be arguing about something
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that
silly
21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. Then the way apologize when it does hurt .
(even though we don't admit it)!
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so
that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love
them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would
die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world they become everything to
you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths
of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a
sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them
for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a
thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.
>>> This chain started in 1887. It is a love chain letter. In 5 days you
are supposed to send it to 25 people. It is easy, just look
into
chat rooms and find them. Anyway, send it to 25 people in 5
days. Now here comes the fun part. You then say the name
of the person you like or love and then the person will say "I
love you," or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!!!!!
Now the consequences:
The consequences are:
>>> If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future
relationships. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy
camper!!!
Congratulations! You have been chosen to participate in the
LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the Internet!
Once read, this letter must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within
the hour) be sent to 10 people. After you send it, make a
wish and it will come true in the amount of time of days, as
the time. For example, if you sent it @ 8:00, your wish will
come true in eight YOU MAY NOT WAIT FOR A CERTAIN
TIME TO SEND IT........ REMEMBER, IT MUST BE SENT
WITHIN 5 DAYS, OR YOUR WISH WILL NOT COME
TRUE!
PLEASE CONTINUE IT NOW!!!
*WARNING*
IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON, SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU
* NOTE*
THE MORE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR LOVE
LIFE. IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN LETTER (IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE 1887) YOU WILL
HAVE BAD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR SEVEN YEARS. THIS IS NO JOKE.
GOOD LUCK!
Here's the catch .....if you email it to ::::
0 people -- nothing too bad will happen?
1-11 people -- you will get a happy surprise!
12-21 people -- someone that likes you will come out and tell
you
22-31 people -- someone that likes you will ask you out
33-41+ people -- YOU WILL SEE (IT IS DEFINITELY GOOD)
*** GENESISTER ACT
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and
Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their
calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the
Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they
are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they
have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise.
Clearly, they are Russian."
