The manager
of a prosperous whorehouse in Warsaw one night found, to his dismay, that he
was short of girls for the evening's entertainment. Thinking quickly, he dashed
out and bought several inflatable fuck dolls, figuring that, given his average
clientele, no one would know the difference. Soon after, he ushered a customer
into a room that housed one of the new lovelies, assuring him that he was in
for an especially good time.
When the customer came out of the room a little while later, the manager was waiting eagerly in the hallway. He winked at the fellow and asked "Well? How'd you like her?".
"I just don't know what happened," said the customer, shaking his head. "I bit her on the tit, she farted, and flew out the window".
Did you hear about the Pole who had a penis transplant?
His hand rejected it.
Did you hear about the Polish starlet?
She went to Hollywood and fucked the writer.
A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the wilds which they were certain was the Missing Link. The proof of their theory, though, required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what characteristics the offspring would take on. So, they put an ad in the paper: "$8000 to Mate with Ape".
The next morning a Pole called up in response to the ad, and said he'd be willing to be part of the experiment. "But," he said, "I have three conditions!!"
The scientists agreed to hear him out.
"First: My wife must never know.
"Second: The children must be raised as good Catholics.
"Third: If I can pay in instalments, I'm definitely interested".
Do you know why the suicide rate in Poland is so low?
Because you can't jump out of a basement window.
How can you tell a Polish Peeping Tom?
(Pull out front of own pants and look down).
Why do Poles have such beautiful noses?
They're hand-picked.
Two Polish friends went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital.
"Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "Is he going to make it?"
"It's tough," said the doctor. "He'd have a better chance if you hadn't gutted him first".
A Polish man walks into his local pub and goes straight up to the barman, who turns away disgusted at the handful of dog shit the Pole is holding.
"Hey, Fred" says the Pole, "Look what I almost stepped in".
How do you know when your house has been burgled by a Pole?
The garbage's been eaten, and the dog is pregnant.
Did you hear about the Polish bank?
You bring in a toaster and they give you a thousand dollars.
Hold up a fork.
Q: What's this?
A: A Polish coke spoon.
A young Polish girl was hitchhiking, and a big semi-trailer pulls over to pick her up. The driver was a serious CB addict, and had an enormous CB radio in his cabin.
"That's the best CB radio ever made", he explained to the bug-eyed girl, "you can talk anywhere in the world with it".
"No kidding," she gasped. "Boy, I would really love to talk to my mother in Poland".
"Oh, yeah?"
"I would give anything to talk to my mother in Poland".
"Anything?" he leered.
"Anything" she assured him.
"Well, maybe we can work something out," he panted, pulling his cock, by which time it was fully erect, out of his pants.
So the girl reaches over, leans down, opens her mouth, and says loudly, "HELLO, MUM?"
Q: What does a Polish girl do after she sucks cock?
A: Spits out the feathers.
What's the Polish definition of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Olga!"
"Dad," asked the kid, "can I have five dollars to buy a guinea pig?"
"Here's ten dollars, son. Go find yourself a nice Polish girl."
Did you hear about the man who was half-Polish and half-Jewish?
He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
When the customer came out of the room a little while later, the manager was waiting eagerly in the hallway. He winked at the fellow and asked "Well? How'd you like her?".
"I just don't know what happened," said the customer, shaking his head. "I bit her on the tit, she farted, and flew out the window".
Did you hear about the Pole who had a penis transplant?
His hand rejected it.
Did you hear about the Polish starlet?
She went to Hollywood and fucked the writer.
A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the wilds which they were certain was the Missing Link. The proof of their theory, though, required that a human mate with the ape in order to see what characteristics the offspring would take on. So, they put an ad in the paper: "$8000 to Mate with Ape".
The next morning a Pole called up in response to the ad, and said he'd be willing to be part of the experiment. "But," he said, "I have three conditions!!"
The scientists agreed to hear him out.
"First: My wife must never know.
"Second: The children must be raised as good Catholics.
"Third: If I can pay in instalments, I'm definitely interested".
Do you know why the suicide rate in Poland is so low?
Because you can't jump out of a basement window.
How can you tell a Polish Peeping Tom?
(Pull out front of own pants and look down).
Why do Poles have such beautiful noses?
They're hand-picked.
Two Polish friends went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital.
"Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "Is he going to make it?"
"It's tough," said the doctor. "He'd have a better chance if you hadn't gutted him first".
A Polish man walks into his local pub and goes straight up to the barman, who turns away disgusted at the handful of dog shit the Pole is holding.
"Hey, Fred" says the Pole, "Look what I almost stepped in".
How do you know when your house has been burgled by a Pole?
The garbage's been eaten, and the dog is pregnant.
Did you hear about the Polish bank?
You bring in a toaster and they give you a thousand dollars.
Hold up a fork.
Q: What's this?
A: A Polish coke spoon.
A young Polish girl was hitchhiking, and a big semi-trailer pulls over to pick her up. The driver was a serious CB addict, and had an enormous CB radio in his cabin.
"That's the best CB radio ever made", he explained to the bug-eyed girl, "you can talk anywhere in the world with it".
"No kidding," she gasped. "Boy, I would really love to talk to my mother in Poland".
"Oh, yeah?"
"I would give anything to talk to my mother in Poland".
"Anything?" he leered.
"Anything" she assured him.
"Well, maybe we can work something out," he panted, pulling his cock, by which time it was fully erect, out of his pants.
So the girl reaches over, leans down, opens her mouth, and says loudly, "HELLO, MUM?"
Q: What does a Polish girl do after she sucks cock?
A: Spits out the feathers.
What's the Polish definition of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Olga!"
"Dad," asked the kid, "can I have five dollars to buy a guinea pig?"
"Here's ten dollars, son. Go find yourself a nice Polish girl."
Did you hear about the man who was half-Polish and half-Jewish?
He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
Two Poles and
a Black were employed by the same construction company and got into the habit
of working together - until the day the Black fell from a scaffold eleven
storeys high. When the police came to check out the situation, there wasn't too
much left to identify the fellow, so the officer in charge turned to the two
distraught Poles. "Listen, guys," said the cop, "was there
anything distinctive about this man?"
"No, he was just a regular guy" said one of the Poles.
"Hey, wait a minute!" piped up the other. "He had two arseholes!"
"Are you bullshitting me?" asked the cop. "How the hell would you know?"
"Because every time we went into the pub around the corner for a beer at the end of the day," said the Pole happily, "the barman would say, `here comes that stupid Nigger with the two arseholes'!"
"No, he was just a regular guy" said one of the Poles.
"Hey, wait a minute!" piped up the other. "He had two arseholes!"
"Are you bullshitting me?" asked the cop. "How the hell would you know?"
"Because every time we went into the pub around the corner for a beer at the end of the day," said the Pole happily, "the barman would say, `here comes that stupid Nigger with the two arseholes'!"
A polish man is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.
The polish guy calls the bartender over and says "whatever she is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me."
The bartender replies "I don't think you want to do that."
"What do you mean?" yells the polish guy, "Send her the drink!"
"O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."
"And why not?" asks the polish guy.
The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says "because she's a lesbian."
"I don't care, send her the drink." says the polish guy.
So after the lady gets her drink the polish guy very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "so what part of Lesbia are you from?"
A Pole goes into a store and asks the clerk, "I'd
like some Polish Sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The Pole says, "Well, yes I am, but, if I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German??? Or if I wanted a taco would you ask if I was Mexican???"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
The Pole says, "WELL, why do you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage????" The clerk says, "Because this is a hardware store."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The Pole says, "Well, yes I am, but, if I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would you ask me if I was German??? Or if I wanted a taco would you ask if I was Mexican???"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
The Pole says, "WELL, why do you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage????" The clerk says, "Because this is a hardware store."
Two
white guys and a polish guy rob a mini mart. The cops are chasing them. The
three guys ran into a potato factory next door. The three guys jump into bags.
The cops follow them in. The cops see the three bags.
The cops kicked the first bag, which the white guy was in, and the white guy answered ROOF ROOF.
The cop said there is nothing in here but a dog. The cop kicked the second bag.
The 2nd White guy replied MEOW MEOW. The cop said there is nothing in here but a cat.
The cop kicked the third bag and the polish guy answered PO-TA-TOS
The cops kicked the first bag, which the white guy was in, and the white guy answered ROOF ROOF.
The cop said there is nothing in here but a dog. The cop kicked the second bag.
The 2nd White guy replied MEOW MEOW. The cop said there is nothing in here but a cat.
The cop kicked the third bag and the polish guy answered PO-TA-TOS
Formal bowling shirts.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?
A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Have you ever seen the Polish sex manual?:
1) In.
2) Out.
3) Repeat if necessary.
