There's this bloke, Frank, who runs a cafe in the town center. One day a health and safety inspector visits his outlet, in disguise. Anyway Frank is rinsing the glasses with really dirty dishwater, and spitting on the glasses to polish in a shine. The inspector is a little taken aback but goes up to the bar nonetheless. Frank is obviously allergic to the inspectors hairspray or something because hr sneezes an almighty amount of goo into his hands, and then proceeds to wipe it down his apron.
"I'll have a cupcake please, and four fudge brownies," says the inspector.
"Right," snuffled Frank, and promptly grabs the brownies in his filthy hands and pops them on the dirty counter.
"What else was it, sir?" asks Frank, but the inspector can take it no more and bursts out:
"I'm a health inspector, and may I say Mister, that this is the filthiest establishment I have ever seen. Your walls are filthy, the counter's filthy, you're filthy, and I can smell your toilets from here! You display no knowledge of hygiene, and blatantly use your hands to serve. Where are the cake tongs? Those marvelous things you pick cakes up in! Where are your gloves? I'm giving you two weeks to clean this place up sir, and if you fail, I will take great pleasure in closing you down!" Well the inspector leaves, and Frank sits down, shocked.
He starts to think about the task ahead.
Two weeks pass, and the inspector returns. The place looks totally different it's clean, and it smells clean, Frank is standing there with gloves and cake tongs, and he's even bought a dishwasher, had a new paint job, and fixed the toilets.
"Well, I never thought you'd do it, but you've proved me wrong," says the inspector. "I'll have a fudge brownie please."
Sure enough, Frank uses the cake tongs, puts the brownie in a little bag, wraps it, and places it on the clean counter.
"I am impressed sir!" exclaimed the inspector. "You've made many extra improvements, and you are the finest place I have visited all week. I bid you a good day!"
"Wait on," said Frank. "I've made lots more improvements than you've seen yet. Take my lavatory system for example, which is unique. You see I've got this bit of string tied round my willy, and when I need to go, I just pull the string, out it flops, and I don't even need to touch it!"
"Marvelous," says the inspector, tucking wholeheartedly into his brownie. He turns to leave but then has a thought. "How do you put it away again?" he inquires, "without touching it, I mean."
"Simple," laughs Frank. "I use the cake tongs."
