Jokes

An Irishman was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They shouldn't put up such misleading signs," said the Irishman. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE".


What does an Irishman call his pet zebra?
Spot.


Did you hear about the Irish Rap Dancer who spent six hours in Myers looking for a cap with a peak at the back?


Then there was the Irishman who was stranded for an hour in a supermarket when the escalator broke down.


An Irishman got a job as a lumberjack, but try as he might, he couldn't meet his quota of fifty trees a day. By chance, he saw an advertisement in a shop window for chain-saws "guaranteed to fell sixty trees a day".
So he bought one, but the best he could manage was twenty trees a day. He took it back to the shop and complained that there must be something wrong with it.
"Let me look at it," said the man in the shop and, taking the chain-saw, he switched it on.
"Heavens above!" exclaimed the Irishman, covering his ears with his hands, "What's that noise?"


Paddy was sent to jail and was sharing a cell with two others.
"What are you in for?" he asked the first.
"Stealing a few bales of straw," he replied.
"And how long did you get?" asked Paddy.
"Six months," he replied.
"And what are you in for?" Paddy asked the second.
"Rape," he replied.
"And how long did you get?"
"Seven years," he replied.
"Heavens above," said Paddy, "you must have stolen a whole acre of the stuff".