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Some
girls beg n some girls borrow, some girls lead n some girls follow, some bring
joy n some bring sorrow, but the best are girls that suck n swallow
2
penises burst into a bank…..shouting “this is a stick up!” just then a vibrator
entered the bank and 1 penis said to the other “fuck its robocock”
Went
to TOYS-R-US today. Bought a David Blaine doll…..cant get the fucker out the
box
Scientists
have discovered a cake that causes men to lose 99% of their sex drive, its
called a fuckin wedding cake!
Always
ultra have just brought out a tampon with tinsel instead of strings, its for
the Christmas period
2
dyslexics in a house, one says can u smell gas? Fuck off I cant even smell me
own name!!
There
was a sailor from Brighton, who said to his bird ur
a tight one, she said bless my soul, ur
2
old ladies at the bingo hall, one asks “did u come on the bus” reply “yes! But
I managed to pass it off as an asthma attack”
Whats
the closest thing to a womans period?
Your
SALARY…it comes once a month, lasts 4-5 days & if it doesnt come YOUR FUCKED!
All
the women in Iraq
Husband
– “my Olympic condoms have arrived. Tonite im going to wear a gold one”.
Wife
- “why dont you wear a silver one and come 2nd for a fuckin change…?!”
Definition
of a thong! – One time you had to pull down a womans knickers to see her arse,
nowadays you have to open her arse to see her knickers!!
What
does a dwarf get if he walks between a womans legs?
A
flap in the face and a clit round the ear
Did
you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic?.....he choked to death on his own vimto
Did
you hear about the dyslexic agnostic?.....he was up all night wondering if
there really was a dog
A
family of 3 prostitutes. Mum charged £60 for a blow job, daughter charged £80
for a blow job, grandma was just glad for a warm drink
Middle
age woman walks into the living room nude. Husband says “y r u naked?” she
replies “this is my love dress!” husband replies “well go & fucking iron
it!”
Why
don’t 74 year old women have smear tests?.....have u tried to open a cheese
toastie?
Girl
2 doc “I got a prob, I got 2 lettuce leaves sticking out my cunt”. Doc says “u
do have a big prob there”, girl says “that’s just the tip of the iceberg”
Whats
worse than having Michael Jackson baby sit 4 u? letting ian huntly give them a
bath
Following
the recent capture of Saddam Hussein, officials have confirmed Osama Bin Laden
as the worlds hide and seek champion.
Eskimo
on holiday in Scotland
Hickory
Dickory Dock, Some slut was sucking my cock, Her hair got tangled, The bitch
was strangled, But at least she swallowed the lot…
Why
is a Christmas tree better than a man? It’s always erect, stays up for 12 days
and nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on!
A
strawberry picking competition was won by a woman with no legs…..Jammy cunt!
Got
a new car radio. U shout soul it plays soul. Shout rock it plays rock. Some
kids ran in front of my car & I shouted “Fuckin kids” It played Michael
Jackson
Christmas
is coming the goose is getting fat I don’t often send a card to an ugly twat
but text is cheap and times are hard so heres your fuckin Christmas card!
What
was the first thing thing Saddam said when he came out of his hole? Did I beat
that cunt David Blaine!
New
pussy wash for women its made of marijuana antiperspirant and Kentucky
De
Niro is going to be playing the part of Harold Shipman in a new film called
‘The old dear hunter’
Mental
hospital karaoke final: 3rd place-Rose West Under the Boardwalk! 2nd
place- Peter Sutcliffe If I had a hammer! Winner- Harold Shipman Needles &
Pins!
Blonde
goes in2 a computer shop looking 4 curtains 4 her PC. Assistant says u don’t
need curtains 4 a computer! Blond says ‘Hellooo! I’ve got Windows!’
What
has Gareth Gates got in common with Dr Shipman? Neither can finish a sentence!
Police
have named six of the Morecambe victims. They are: Way Ding, Sin King, Drow
Ning, Leff Too Dy, Swim Lo and Ty Dis Hi.
Police
have solved the mystery at Morecambe. The Chinese were told to stop picking
when the water got to knee high. Unfortunately Nee Hi was waiting in the van.
Two
sharks swimming along, 1 shark says to other r we having fish 4 t 2nite? Other
says no lets go Morecambe
Bay
Jordan
& Peter Andre r havin sex in the jungle & they hear a noise. Jordan
