Skinny white man goes into lift , stares
at huge black man in lift, who say's "b4 u ask 7ft tall 350lbs , 20 inch
dick & my balls weigh 3lb each, Turner Brown" White guy faints, when
he comes to, asks black man 2 say again, Black man repeats his stats &
say's the names "Turner Brown" "Thank fuck 4 that! Thought u
said 'TURN AROUND
Hhellloo iis tthiis tthhe oownnerr off
ttthe sshhoop ttthhatt i ggott ttthe vvibbratttor ffromm?? hhow ddo uu ttturrn
ttthe ffucckkinn ttthingg oofff??
2 black women and their babies on a bus
one says is your baby teething yet The
other says yes him already got me 2 dvds 4 mobiles and a laptop
2 eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female, 1
male! She turns 2 him & says, 'Look, I've got a crack!' He replies, 'No
point tellin me, I'm not fuckin hard yet!
A jelly baby went to doctors with his
willy covered in coconut & liquorice.The doctor said "what have u been
up to?" The jelly baby replied "Fuckin allsorts!"
A
jewish woman says to her mum i'm going to divorce david.he only wants anal sex
and my arsehole is the size of a 50pence when it used to be like a 5p! Mum says
you have a big house, a porshe, a grand a week allowance and 6 holidays a
year,you're going to throw all that away
for 45 pence!
A
chinese couple have become the first of their kind to have an albino baby, just
goes to show, two wongs can make a white!
Paddy
walks past a new pub & sees a sign in the window, Pies 50p, Wanks 10p, he
couldn't believe his luck. He goes in & sees a stunnin blonde barmaid &
asks her "R u the 1 that gives wanks?" "Yes" she replies.
"Well wash yer fuckin hands, i want a pie"
An
irish woman has just been thrown off who wants to be a millionaire, for masturbating she didn't understand the
meaning of fastest finger first.
A
convict breaks in2a house n ties up the husband n his wife. He jumps on the
wife, kisses her ear, then runs to the bathroom. The husband whispers to his
wife ''satisfy him, or he'll kill us. I saw the way he kissed u, just b strong,
i love u!'' the wife replies ''he didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear he's
gay, horny n looking for vaseline. I told him its in the bathroom. Lets see
whos fucking strong now.
If
u had sex every day 4 a year, kept all 365 condoms, melted them down and made a tyre out of the
rubber. What would u call it? answer: A
fuckin' Goodyear!
Paddy's
in bed with the wife. The phone rings at 3am, Paddy answers and listens then
says "Why dont u ring the fucking Met Office."
Wife
asks "Who was that?"
Paddy replies "Some silly fucker
asking if the coast was clear!!!
Two
pregnant paddys knitting jumpers.One says ''i hope mine's a boy, im using blue
wool''.
The other says '' i hope mine's a
spastic, ive fucked the arms up''!
Blonde walks in2 a shop, curious about a
shiny thing. "whats that?" she asks. The assisstant says "its a
thermos". "what does it do?" she asks, he says "it keeps
hot things hot & cold things cold". She buys one. The next day she
takes it 2 work, her boss asks "what is that?" she replies " its
a thermos". He asks "what does it do?" she says "it keeps
hot things hot & cold things cold". He then asks "what have u got
in it?" "2 cups of coffee & an ice pop".
2 blokes at a bucking bronco contest.1
manages 2 stay on 4 10mins.His mate says,"fuck me,how did u manage
that?"He says easy,my wife's epileptic!
Just a reminder that tomorrow is
"Hug a Retard" day. So don't freak out like you did last year, nobody
is trying to hurt you!
A man with no arms entered a masturbation
contest. Poor bastard didn't come anywhere.
Man stands naked looking in mirror and
says 2 his wife "why do l always get a hard on when l look at
myself?" Wife says "cos ur a cunt?"
Today is "National Booze & Drugs
Day!"You can do your bit by sending a text to a drunk or unstable
friend... Well, that's my bit done then!
Dear Jonathan Ross i've shagged your
daughter! Who's laughing now.. Lots of love, Gary Glitter x
Just painted my wellies silver and put
them outside ready for tonight.Hopefully the little fuckers won't come knocking
if they think Gary Glitter lives here!!!
Woman in asda notices a young assistant.
He has such a cute arse it makes her randy! She asks him to carry her shopping
to her car. On the way she can't hold back any more and says "I've got an
itchy pussy". He says "you'll have to point it out love, all these
fucking Japanese cars look the same to
me.
3 naked men in a sauna: an American,
Japanese & Irishman. They hear a beepin sound, the American touches his arm
n says 'Thats my pager, I have a microchip under my skin'. Next a phone rings n
the Japanese man lifts his palm to his ear, he says 'I have a microchip in my
hand'. The Irishman, now feelin very lowtech, goes to the toilet & comes
back with loo paper hangin from his arse. He says 'Oh jaysus, would U look at
that, I'm gettin a fax!'
In 2009 the government wil start killin
all mentally challengd people. I startd cryin wen i thought of u. Run, my
little retard friend, run!!
Wife gets naked & asks hubby:
"What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?" Hubby looks
her up & down and replies: "Your fuckin sense of humour!"
Just a reminder that tomorrow is
"Hug a Retard" day. So don't freak out like you did last year, nobody
is trying to hurt you!
Valentines! Flowers £30.Dinner and a film
£90.Hotel room afterwards £200 .The look on his face wen you tell him your on
your period... FUCKING PRICELESS!
I was in Tesco the other day buying Oxo
Cubes.They had Chicken,Beef, Lamb, Vegetable and England. ''What's the England
one''? I asked the assistant.''That's a new one we've just launched''.She
replied. ''It's a Laughing Stock''!
The england football team are changing
the emblem on their shirts. The 3 Lions will now become three tampons to
celebrate their worst fucking period in history!
Fuk Ive just won a competition on B97fm
for a holiday to greece. I got 2000 in spending money and i can take 5 mates
away with me. i know its short notice, but if you're free wed the 12th of june.
is there any chance you could put my bin out for me cheers
A little boy comes into the kitchen one
day and says to his mum "Granny's got a prawn!" The mother says "What on earth do you
mean?" The boy takes his mother and shows her Granny, stark naked asleep
on the sofa. He points to grandma's protruding clitoris and says,
"Granny's got a prawn!" His
mother whispers "That's your grandmother's clitoris son!" To which the little boy replies...."Well
it tastes like a prawn!"
Zebo,a half blind five year old african
orphan,has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with
buckled wheels and no brakes.Give just a small donation of two pounds and we'll
send you the video,it's fucking hilarious.
I'm so pissed off! Someones just crashed
into my front wall in one of them new skodas. There's fucking jam and sponge
everywhere!
Just been 2 the Gym there's a new
machine, i only used it for 1/2 an hour but i started 2 feel sick!Its good tho
- its got KitKats, Mars Bars, Mini Cheddars everything ...
