Q: Who had big ears, weighed seven
thousand pounds, and married a handsome
prince?
A: Cinderelephant.
Q: What did the ringmaster say when the
human cannonball was shot out of the
circus tent?
A: “That’s going too far!”
Q: Why do trained seals always know
what’s happening?
A: Because they’re on the ball.
Q: What do you call the trained seal
when she claps her flippers?
A: The seal of approval.
Q: How do you catch a fairy?
A: Grab its fairy tale.
Show me a cowboy on a giraffe—
And I’ll show you someone who is
riding high.
Q: When were clocks invented?
A: Once upon a time.
Q: What do you get when the tall man
substitutes for the human cannonball?
A: A long shot.
Show me a bumblebee ringing your
doorbell—
And I’ll show you a humdinger.
Q: What race could neither the tortoise
nor the hare enter?
A: The human race.
Show me a pig in a Porsche—
And I’ll show you a road hog.
Q: Why couldn’t the strong man lift
Alexander Graham Bell?
A: Because he could only lift dumbbells.
Q: What do tightrope-walking bears do in
the winter?
A: Go into high-bear-nation.
Q: Who does the ringmaster call when
someone tries to steal the show?
A: Acro-batman.
Show me a giant—
And I’ll show you someone to look up to.
Q: What do you call the dancing poodle
when the elephant sits on him?
A: The underdog.
Q: Did the tortoise win the race by a long
distance?
A: No, he won by a hare.
Q: How do you fix a flat pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Show me a girl who rides sunbeams—
And I’ll show you a girl who travels
light.
Q: How long was Cinderella’s glass
slipper?
A: One foot long.
Q: Why did the ugly stepsister slap the
glass slipper?
A: Because the slipper pinched her.
Show me a mamma flea—
And I’ll show you a woman who’s afraid
that her children are going to the dogs.
Q: Why does the ringmaster like to have
an artist at the circus?
A: Because an artist can draw crowds.
Q: What do you get when you cross the
Frog Prince with Cinderella’s footman?
A: Foot Prince.
Show me a flaming arrow—
And I’ll show you a fire fly.
Q: What killed the lion tamer?
A: Cat-nip.
Q: How did the elves stay awake to make
shoes all night?
A: They used sole-r energy.
Show me spiders living in your shoes—
And I’ll show you webbed feet.
Clown: Don’t you trust that cat?
Lion Tamer: No, she’s a cheetah.
Mutt: I used to own a flea circus.
Jeff: What happened?
Mutt: All my performers went to the
dogs.
Q: How do you call a leopard?
A: “Here Spot!”
Q: What fairy tale tells of a pretty girl who
was ordered to clean house for a hundred
years?
A: Sweeping Beauty.
Q: Why are giraffes so tall?
A: So they can sing high notes.
Q: Why do circus monkeys know
everyone’s secrets?
A: They hear them through the ape-vine.
Q: What do you get when you put a
mousetrap in a cannon?
A: A snapshot.
Q: What fairy tale does your foot dream
about when it falls asleep?
A: Sleeping Bootee.
Q: What wakes up a dragon in the
morning?
A: The fire alarm.
Q: Why do clowns have flat feet?
A: Because they walk too close to the
elephants.
Q: What’s a pig’s favorite fairy tale?
A: Slopping Beauty.
Leo: I heard the elephant trainer died
from love.
Cleo: Yes, his elephant had a crush on
him.
Q: Who is the loveliest lamb in all the
fairy tales?
A: Sheeping Beauty.
Show me a sneezing dragon—
And I’ll show you a blowtorch.
Q: Why do circuses have trained horses?
A: Because they’re the mane attraction.
Q: Why did Sleeping Beauty sleep for a
hundred years?
A: Because her alarm clock was broken.
Q: How do dragons weigh themselves?
A: On their scales.
Q: Why do ponies make poor
ringmasters?
A: Because you can’t shout if you’re a
little horse.
Q: Why didn’t the princess sleep well on
top of twenty mattresses?
A: Would you sleep well if you could fall
that far when you rolled out of bed?
Q: Why did the queen decide to put a pea
under the mattresses?
A: Because she was a peanut.
Show me King Kong coming out of a
cannon—
And I’ll show you a big shot.
Q: Why did the gorilla eat a banana skin?
A: Because it’s appealing.
Q: How did Rapunzel become queen?
A: She was hair to the throne.
Show me King Kong playing cards with
the Jolly Green Giant—
And I’ll show you a big deal.
Q: Why did the elves make all right
shoes?
A: Because they didn’t want to make all
wrong shoes.
Q: What happened when Puss-in-Boots
went to sea?
A: He became Puss-in-Boats.
Q: And what happened when a shark got
him?
A: He became Puss-in-Bits.
Q: Why doesn’t the lion eat the clown?
A: Because the lion would get a funny
feeling in his stomach.
Q: Why shouldn’t knights wear chain
mail to fight a dragon?
A: Because dragons are chain smokers.
Show me a lamb playing a tuba—
And I’ll show you a bighorn sheep.
Q: What happened when the circus lions
got loose?
A: A cat-astrophe.
Q: Why couldn’t Tom Thumb play the
piano?
A: Because he couldn’t do the fingering.
Q: Why did the prince climb Rapunzel’s
hair?
A: Because the elevator was broken.
Show me Dracula’s boat—
And I’ll show you a blood vessel.
Q: Why did the lion eat the tightrope
walker?
A: He wanted a well-balanced meal.
Q: What did the lion-tamer do when a
giant cockroach swallowed her lion?
A: She let the cat out of the bug.
Q: Why was Rapunzel mad at the witch?
A: Because the witch kept getting in her
hair.
Show me a house that has grown legs
and started racing off down the street—
And I’ll show you a home run.
Q: Why was the witch mad at Hansel and
Gretel?
A: Because they were eating her out of
house and home.
Q: Why was the human cannonball fired?
A: She was acting like a big shot.
Show me a messy pirate drinking grape
juice—
And I’ll show you Bluebeard.
Q: Why was Little Red Riding Hood
suspicious when she saw the wolf’s big
nose?
A: Because she knew that something
smelled.
Q: What time of year are most trapeze
artists hurt?
A: In the fall.
Show me a bald giant—
And I’ll show you a big wig.
Q: Why didn’t the Three Billy Goats Gruff
want to pay at the Troll Bridge?
A: Because it cost an arm and a leg.
Show me the skeleton of a genie—
And I’ll show you a wishbone.
Q: Who did the fire-eater date?
A: An old flame.
Q: What do you get when you cross Little
Red Riding Hood with a bird?
A: Robin Hood.
Q: Why did the fire-eater marry the stick
lady?
A: Because they made a perfect match.
Show me a banquet for skeletons—
And I’ll show you spareribs.
Q: What does a fire-eater eat with his
soup?
A: Firecrackers.
Show me Dracula’s safety deposit box—
And I’ll show you a blood bank.
Ringmaster: I hear the fire-eater’s sick.
What’s wrong?
Clown: She has heartburn.
Q: What do dragons do on their
birthdays?
A: Light the candles and the cake and
the presents . . .
Circus Manager: Have you ever been a
sword-swallower before?
Job Applicant: No, but I’m willing to
take a stab at it.
Q: What dragon disappeared into thin
air?
A: “Poof, the Magic Dragon.”
Q: Why is it so difficult to get a job as a
sword-swallower?
A: Because of the cutthroat competition.
Q: How do dragons swim?
A: They do the heatstroke.
Show me a pencil that itches—
And I’ll show you scratch paper.
Q: Why was the knife thrower angry?
A: The sword-swallower ate his act.
Show me King Kong’s unicycle—
And I’ll show you a big wheel.
Q: How do dentists fix dragons’ teeth?
A: With a fire drill.
Q: What do dragons eat with their soup?
A: Firecrackers.
Q: What do sword-swallowers eat for
lunch?
A: Cold cuts.
Show me a boxing banana—
And I’ll show you fruit punch.
Q: Why are boring speeches like
dragons?
A: Because boring speeches drag on and
on and on . . .
Show me a herd of cows that plays the
trombone—
And I’ll show you longhorn cattle.
Q: What do you get when a dragon jumps
into the ocean?
A: A heat wave.
Q: What does the glass-swallower eat
when she’s on a diet?
A: Lightbulbs.
Q: What happens to a knight when a
dragon breathes on him?
A: He ig-knights.
Q: What does the glass-swallower eat
when he craves seafood?
A: Fishbowls.
Q: Where do knights buy armor?
A: At a hard-wear store.
Q: What happened when the glassswallower
ate the window?
A: She got a pane in her stomach.
Show me a store owned by primates—
And I’ll show you monkey business.
Q: Who are the two most well-respected
people in the circus?
A: The tall man, whom everyone looks up
to, and the sword-swallower, who’s a cut
above the rest.
Q: When do dragons stop eating?
A: Mid-knight.
Q: What do you call a pig who does
death-defying feats?
A: A dare-deviled ham.
Q: What do you call a baby knight?
A: A knight crawler.
Q: Why are people more interested in
seeing a two-headed man than a oneheaded
man?
A: Because two heads are better than
one.
Q: What dragon ran around with Robin
Hood?
A: Fire Tuck.
Q: What do you get when you cross a
knight with a clown?
A: A court jouster.
Q: Who is in charge of a marionette
circus?
A: The stringmaster.
Q: What kind of knight sings when the
wind is blowing hard?
A: A knight-in-gale.
Q: Why is the tightrope nervous?
A: Because it’s high strung.
Q: Why were the Billy Goats Gruff able to
fool the troll?
A: Because hungry trolls will swallow
anything.
Q: Where do acrobats learn to walk the
tightrope?
A: At high school.
Q: When do most knights get hurt?
A: At knight-fall.
Q: What do you call the King of
Acrobats?
A: Your Highness.
Q: How do knights see in the dark?
A: They use knight lights.
Q: What do you call a spoiled tightrope
walker?
A: An acro-brat.
Q: Why don’t acrobats like to get off the
trapeze?
A: Because they feel let down.
Q: What did Jack’s beanstalk grow?
A: Climb-a beans.
Q: What has black-and-white stripes and
can swing on a trapeze?
A: A chimpan-zebra.
Q: What kind of locks won’t keep people
out of your house?
A: Goldilocks.
Q: What do you call trapeze artists who
would rather eat than perform?
A: Snack-robats.
Q: How do snack-robats season their
food?
A: With somer-salt.
Q: Where did the giant want to cook
Jack?
A: In a jackpot.
Q: Why didn’t the three bears eat their
porridge?
A: Because they didn’t have any mushroom.
Q: Which circus performers can see in
the dark?
A: The acrobats.
Q: What attracts knights in shining armor
even more than fair maidens?
A: Magnets.
Q: Why did the Baby Bear’s chair break
when Goldilocks sat on it?
A: Because it couldn’t bear her weight.
Q: Why is the contortionist well liked?
A: Because she’ll bend over backward for
you.
Q: What did the first little pig say when
the Big Bad Wolf blew down his house?
A: “That’s the last straw!”
Q: Why did the tightrope walker take a
duck with him?
A: So he could get down.
Q: Why did the Big Bad Wolf try to blow
down the little pig’s house?
A: Because he didn’t have enough
dynamite to blow it up.
thousand pounds, and married a handsome
prince?
A: Cinderelephant.
Q: What did the ringmaster say when the
human cannonball was shot out of the
circus tent?
A: “That’s going too far!”
Q: Why do trained seals always know
what’s happening?
A: Because they’re on the ball.
Q: What do you call the trained seal
when she claps her flippers?
A: The seal of approval.
Q: How do you catch a fairy?
A: Grab its fairy tale.
Show me a cowboy on a giraffe—
And I’ll show you someone who is
riding high.
Q: When were clocks invented?
A: Once upon a time.
Q: What do you get when the tall man
substitutes for the human cannonball?
A: A long shot.
Show me a bumblebee ringing your
doorbell—
And I’ll show you a humdinger.
Q: What race could neither the tortoise
nor the hare enter?
A: The human race.
Show me a pig in a Porsche—
And I’ll show you a road hog.
Q: Why couldn’t the strong man lift
Alexander Graham Bell?
A: Because he could only lift dumbbells.
Q: What do tightrope-walking bears do in
the winter?
A: Go into high-bear-nation.
Q: Who does the ringmaster call when
someone tries to steal the show?
A: Acro-batman.
Show me a giant—
And I’ll show you someone to look up to.
Q: What do you call the dancing poodle
when the elephant sits on him?
A: The underdog.
Q: Did the tortoise win the race by a long
distance?
A: No, he won by a hare.
Q: How do you fix a flat pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Show me a girl who rides sunbeams—
And I’ll show you a girl who travels
light.
Q: How long was Cinderella’s glass
slipper?
A: One foot long.
Q: Why did the ugly stepsister slap the
glass slipper?
A: Because the slipper pinched her.
Show me a mamma flea—
And I’ll show you a woman who’s afraid
that her children are going to the dogs.
Q: Why does the ringmaster like to have
an artist at the circus?
A: Because an artist can draw crowds.
Q: What do you get when you cross the
Frog Prince with Cinderella’s footman?
A: Foot Prince.
Show me a flaming arrow—
And I’ll show you a fire fly.
Q: What killed the lion tamer?
A: Cat-nip.
Q: How did the elves stay awake to make
shoes all night?
A: They used sole-r energy.
Show me spiders living in your shoes—
And I’ll show you webbed feet.
Clown: Don’t you trust that cat?
Lion Tamer: No, she’s a cheetah.
Mutt: I used to own a flea circus.
Jeff: What happened?
Mutt: All my performers went to the
dogs.
Q: How do you call a leopard?
A: “Here Spot!”
Q: What fairy tale tells of a pretty girl who
was ordered to clean house for a hundred
years?
A: Sweeping Beauty.
Q: Why are giraffes so tall?
A: So they can sing high notes.
Q: Why do circus monkeys know
everyone’s secrets?
A: They hear them through the ape-vine.
Q: What do you get when you put a
mousetrap in a cannon?
A: A snapshot.
Q: What fairy tale does your foot dream
about when it falls asleep?
A: Sleeping Bootee.
Q: What wakes up a dragon in the
morning?
A: The fire alarm.
Q: Why do clowns have flat feet?
A: Because they walk too close to the
elephants.
Q: What’s a pig’s favorite fairy tale?
A: Slopping Beauty.
Leo: I heard the elephant trainer died
from love.
Cleo: Yes, his elephant had a crush on
him.
Q: Who is the loveliest lamb in all the
fairy tales?
A: Sheeping Beauty.
Show me a sneezing dragon—
And I’ll show you a blowtorch.
Q: Why do circuses have trained horses?
A: Because they’re the mane attraction.
Q: Why did Sleeping Beauty sleep for a
hundred years?
A: Because her alarm clock was broken.
Q: How do dragons weigh themselves?
A: On their scales.
Q: Why do ponies make poor
ringmasters?
A: Because you can’t shout if you’re a
little horse.
Q: Why didn’t the princess sleep well on
top of twenty mattresses?
A: Would you sleep well if you could fall
that far when you rolled out of bed?
Q: Why did the queen decide to put a pea
under the mattresses?
A: Because she was a peanut.
Show me King Kong coming out of a
cannon—
And I’ll show you a big shot.
Q: Why did the gorilla eat a banana skin?
A: Because it’s appealing.
Q: How did Rapunzel become queen?
A: She was hair to the throne.
Show me King Kong playing cards with
the Jolly Green Giant—
And I’ll show you a big deal.
Q: Why did the elves make all right
shoes?
A: Because they didn’t want to make all
wrong shoes.
Q: What happened when Puss-in-Boots
went to sea?
A: He became Puss-in-Boats.
Q: And what happened when a shark got
him?
A: He became Puss-in-Bits.
Q: Why doesn’t the lion eat the clown?
A: Because the lion would get a funny
feeling in his stomach.
Q: Why shouldn’t knights wear chain
mail to fight a dragon?
A: Because dragons are chain smokers.
Show me a lamb playing a tuba—
And I’ll show you a bighorn sheep.
Q: What happened when the circus lions
got loose?
A: A cat-astrophe.
Q: Why couldn’t Tom Thumb play the
piano?
A: Because he couldn’t do the fingering.
Q: Why did the prince climb Rapunzel’s
hair?
A: Because the elevator was broken.
Show me Dracula’s boat—
And I’ll show you a blood vessel.
Q: Why did the lion eat the tightrope
walker?
A: He wanted a well-balanced meal.
Q: What did the lion-tamer do when a
giant cockroach swallowed her lion?
A: She let the cat out of the bug.
Q: Why was Rapunzel mad at the witch?
A: Because the witch kept getting in her
hair.
Show me a house that has grown legs
and started racing off down the street—
And I’ll show you a home run.
Q: Why was the witch mad at Hansel and
Gretel?
A: Because they were eating her out of
house and home.
Q: Why was the human cannonball fired?
A: She was acting like a big shot.
Show me a messy pirate drinking grape
juice—
And I’ll show you Bluebeard.
Q: Why was Little Red Riding Hood
suspicious when she saw the wolf’s big
nose?
A: Because she knew that something
smelled.
Q: What time of year are most trapeze
artists hurt?
A: In the fall.
Show me a bald giant—
And I’ll show you a big wig.
Q: Why didn’t the Three Billy Goats Gruff
want to pay at the Troll Bridge?
A: Because it cost an arm and a leg.
Show me the skeleton of a genie—
And I’ll show you a wishbone.
Q: Who did the fire-eater date?
A: An old flame.
Q: What do you get when you cross Little
Red Riding Hood with a bird?
A: Robin Hood.
Q: Why did the fire-eater marry the stick
lady?
A: Because they made a perfect match.
Show me a banquet for skeletons—
And I’ll show you spareribs.
Q: What does a fire-eater eat with his
soup?
A: Firecrackers.
Show me Dracula’s safety deposit box—
And I’ll show you a blood bank.
Ringmaster: I hear the fire-eater’s sick.
What’s wrong?
Clown: She has heartburn.
Q: What do dragons do on their
birthdays?
A: Light the candles and the cake and
the presents . . .
Circus Manager: Have you ever been a
sword-swallower before?
Job Applicant: No, but I’m willing to
take a stab at it.
Q: What dragon disappeared into thin
air?
A: “Poof, the Magic Dragon.”
Q: Why is it so difficult to get a job as a
sword-swallower?
A: Because of the cutthroat competition.
Q: How do dragons swim?
A: They do the heatstroke.
Show me a pencil that itches—
And I’ll show you scratch paper.
Q: Why was the knife thrower angry?
A: The sword-swallower ate his act.
Show me King Kong’s unicycle—
And I’ll show you a big wheel.
Q: How do dentists fix dragons’ teeth?
A: With a fire drill.
Q: What do dragons eat with their soup?
A: Firecrackers.
Q: What do sword-swallowers eat for
lunch?
A: Cold cuts.
Show me a boxing banana—
And I’ll show you fruit punch.
Q: Why are boring speeches like
dragons?
A: Because boring speeches drag on and
on and on . . .
Show me a herd of cows that plays the
trombone—
And I’ll show you longhorn cattle.
Q: What do you get when a dragon jumps
into the ocean?
A: A heat wave.
Q: What does the glass-swallower eat
when she’s on a diet?
A: Lightbulbs.
Q: What happens to a knight when a
dragon breathes on him?
A: He ig-knights.
Q: What does the glass-swallower eat
when he craves seafood?
A: Fishbowls.
Q: Where do knights buy armor?
A: At a hard-wear store.
Q: What happened when the glassswallower
ate the window?
A: She got a pane in her stomach.
Show me a store owned by primates—
And I’ll show you monkey business.
Q: Who are the two most well-respected
people in the circus?
A: The tall man, whom everyone looks up
to, and the sword-swallower, who’s a cut
above the rest.
Q: When do dragons stop eating?
A: Mid-knight.
Q: What do you call a pig who does
death-defying feats?
A: A dare-deviled ham.
Q: What do you call a baby knight?
A: A knight crawler.
Q: Why are people more interested in
seeing a two-headed man than a oneheaded
man?
A: Because two heads are better than
one.
Q: What dragon ran around with Robin
Hood?
A: Fire Tuck.
Q: What do you get when you cross a
knight with a clown?
A: A court jouster.
Q: Who is in charge of a marionette
circus?
A: The stringmaster.
Q: What kind of knight sings when the
wind is blowing hard?
A: A knight-in-gale.
Q: Why is the tightrope nervous?
A: Because it’s high strung.
Q: Why were the Billy Goats Gruff able to
fool the troll?
A: Because hungry trolls will swallow
anything.
Q: Where do acrobats learn to walk the
tightrope?
A: At high school.
Q: When do most knights get hurt?
A: At knight-fall.
Q: What do you call the King of
Acrobats?
A: Your Highness.
Q: How do knights see in the dark?
A: They use knight lights.
Q: What do you call a spoiled tightrope
walker?
A: An acro-brat.
Q: Why don’t acrobats like to get off the
trapeze?
A: Because they feel let down.
Q: What did Jack’s beanstalk grow?
A: Climb-a beans.
Q: What has black-and-white stripes and
can swing on a trapeze?
A: A chimpan-zebra.
Q: What kind of locks won’t keep people
out of your house?
A: Goldilocks.
Q: What do you call trapeze artists who
would rather eat than perform?
A: Snack-robats.
Q: How do snack-robats season their
food?
A: With somer-salt.
Q: Where did the giant want to cook
Jack?
A: In a jackpot.
Q: Why didn’t the three bears eat their
porridge?
A: Because they didn’t have any mushroom.
Q: Which circus performers can see in
the dark?
A: The acrobats.
Q: What attracts knights in shining armor
even more than fair maidens?
A: Magnets.
Q: Why did the Baby Bear’s chair break
when Goldilocks sat on it?
A: Because it couldn’t bear her weight.
Q: Why is the contortionist well liked?
A: Because she’ll bend over backward for
you.
Q: What did the first little pig say when
the Big Bad Wolf blew down his house?
A: “That’s the last straw!”
Q: Why did the tightrope walker take a
duck with him?
A: So he could get down.
Q: Why did the Big Bad Wolf try to blow
down the little pig’s house?
A: Because he didn’t have enough
dynamite to blow it up.
