Woman
standing nude, looks in bedroom mirror n says 2 her husband “I look horrible
fat n ugly pay me a compliment”, husband replies “ur
What
r the 2 most important holes on a woman’s body?.....Her nostrils! They allow
her 2 breathe while giving a blow job!
Camilla says 2 the queen “every time a suck
Charles cock I get heartburn” the queen replies “have u tried Andrews?”
Little
jack horner, wanked in the corner, and shot his load in2 his eyes. He called in
his mum, and said look what ive done. Oh what a dirty wee bastard I am.
Little
jack horner wanked in the corner, eating Snow Whites hairy pie, but her muff
was too tuff and covered in fluff, so he squirted his cum in his eye.
A
boy couldn’t sleep, so he took his toy soldiers 2 bed. He soon grew bored of
playing with his corporals and sergeants. So he played with his privates
instead.
“Mummy,
where do new babies come from?” “Well, ur
Humpty
dumpty sat in bed while little bo peep was giving him head. As soon as he came
she started 2 weep, coz then he fucked off n shagged all her sheep!!!
A
vampire goes in a pub & asks for boiling water. The barman says “I thought
u drank blood?” The vampire pulls out a used tampon & says “I’m making tea”
George
Michael is organising a collection for frank bruno. George says he knows all
about the pressures of being battered around the ring.
A Dundee girl takes a dress 2 the cleaners & says I’ll
pick it up 2morra, the cleaner doesn’t hear & says “come again”, she says
“nah mayonnaise this time!”
In
the village of herbum herts near tillet town, lives lucy likes who owns the
cockwell inn. Her address is: lucy likes the cockwell inn herbum tillet herts!
John
& Tom were having gay sex. I’ve got aids said John. “Oh god” cried Tom.
“Only kidding” said John, “I just love the way you tighten yer arse when I say
it”.
Im
helping children in need 2 make the worlds largest pancake on Saturday but we
need more help so I thought of you, we are ok for cooks but we need a tosser.
COOPE:
Im helpin children in need 2 make the
worlds largest pancake. But we need more help so I thought of you COOPE, we are
ok for cooks but we need a tosser
In
a recent survey 100 women were asked. “After sex does ur
Myra
Hindley and a young lad walking across the moor. “Fucking scary this is” said
the boy. “Tell me about it” says Myra
Based
on statistics the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy
style – the husband sits and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
The
big bad wolf told little red riding hood “lift your top so I can suck your
tits”, “no!” she said lifting her skirt, “eat me like the fuckin book says!”
MAD
COW DISEASE: A cow mates once a year, but is milked about 4x a wk. Now if sum1
played with ur
A
woman goes to hospital for a fanny transplant. But the surgeon cannot start the
operation because the replacement cunt is reading this tex
Mary Mary quite contrary, how does your garden
grow, you dozy twat, I live in a flat, so how the fuck should I know?
A
lady walked past a school, heard a group of kids chanting 13 13 13, she looked
thru a hole in the fence n got poked in the eye…then the kids chanted 14 14 14
Nike
have brought out a training shoe for lesbians called “nikes for dykes” they’ve
got a large tongue and you can get them off using just one finger!!
Staff
at the mental home treating frank bruno say they have no problem with his
behaviour, until some twat rang the dinner bell.
When
is a fairy not a fairy? When she is head down on a pixie, then she is a goblin.
A
man drives like he makes love…he never checks to see if anyone else is coming
before pulling out!!
A
white man in delivery room waitin to see his baby. Midwife walks in with a
black baby n says is this yours? He replies probably she fuckin burns everythin
else
