A man has been wanting to go to the Superbowl for his entire life. For his birthday, his wife gets him a pair of tickets on the condition that she gets to go as well.
They arrive at the game and he's loving it. After about five minutes, his wife asks him if they can leave.
"Leave? We just got here! I've been wanting to go all my life," he replies.
"But honey, the guy next to me is masturbating," she says.
"Can't you just ignore him?"
"I tried, but he's using my hand."
