This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. "Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time." And she dashes out of her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table.
When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it!
"Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!" And that night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!
Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified.
"You're going to kill him," they say, or "He's just yanking your chain," but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.
Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. "You killed him!"
We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "Ahh, I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel when he was licking his ass."
Chicken Salad
Two toddlers, a boy and a girl, lived across the street from each other. Both dearly loved chicken salad. Each day, they took turns having lunch at his or her house and they always ate chicken salad. This continued until they were ready to start school.
The day before school started, their mothers found them crying. When asked why they were crying, they responded that they could no longer eat their chicken salad together. The mothers comforted them with the promise that they would pack their lunches and they could still eat chicken salad together every day.
The children did so every day. When they were about 11 years old, the girl unpacked her lunch one day and the boy, startled, said, "That's not chicken salad. You said you were going to eat chicken salad every day for the rest of your life. What IS that stuff?"
To which the girl replied, "This is peanut butter and jelly. I still love chicken salad, but I can't eat it anymore."
Boy: "Why not?"
Girl: "Because I'm growing feathers."
Boy: "You are not!"
Girl: "Yes I am. I'm growing feathers and can't eat chicken salad any more!!"
Boy: "I don't believe you, let me see."
Girl: "I can't show you my feathers."
Boy: "I don't believe you."
So the girl agrees to show him her feathers and they proceed around the building to a solitary spot and she drops her panties and shows him her feathers.
Boy: "My, my, my!! You ARE growing feathers. Well, I'm not and I'm going to eat chicken salad for the rest of my natural life."
Well, every day, the girl ate peanut butter and jelly and the boy ate his chicken salad.
When they were 13, the boy unpacked his lunch. The girl, sniffing, exclaimed: "That's not chicken salad! You said you were going to eat chicken salad for the rest of your natural life. What IS that stuff?"
To which the boy responded: "Tuna salad. I can't eat chicken salad anymore. I'm growing feathers, too!!
Girl: "Let me see."
Boy: "Oh, no!! I couldn't possibly show you my feathers."
Girl: "I showed you mine."
Boy: "Well, I guess fair is fair. You did show me yours."
They went around the building and he dropped his pants.
The girl's mouth dropped open and she exclaimed: "You're not only growing feathers, you're growing the neck and the gizzards, too!"
