"Look here," began the youth, as he entered a butcher's shop, and displayed two lovely-looking black-and-blue eyes, "you have fresh beef for sale?"
"I have," responded the butcher.
"And fresh beef is good for black eyes, is it not?"
"It is."
"Very well. I have the eyes, you have the beef. Do you think you can sell me a pound or so without asking how I got ornamented?"
"I'll do my best, sir."
The butcher cut off the meat, and received his money without another look at his customer. At the last moment, however, the old Adam proved too strong for him.
"Look here," he said, handing back the cash, "I'll make you a present of the beef. Now tell me all about the fight."
* * *
"Do you know anything about palmistry, Herbert?" she asked.
"Oh, not much," he answered, "although I had an experience last night which might be considered a remarkable example of palmistry. I happened to glance at the hand of a friend, and I immediately predicted he would presently become the possessor of a considerable amount of money. Before he left the room he had a nice little sum handed to him."
"And you foretold that from his hand?"
"Yes, it had four aces in it."
* * *
Young Harold was late for Sunday-school and the minister inquired the cause. "I was going fishing, but father wouldn't let me," announced the lad.
"That's the right kind of a father to have," replied the reverend gentleman. "Did he explain the reason why he would not let you go?"
"Yes, sir. He said there wasn't bait enough for two."
* * *
"My good man, you had better take the trolley car home."
"Sh' no ushe! My wife wouldn't let me—hic—keep it in th' house."
* * *
Mrs. Newlywed: "Oh, Jack, you left the kitchen door open and the draught has shut my cookery book, so that now I haven't the faintest idea what it is I'm cooking."
* * *
"Goin' in that house over there?" said the first tramp.
"I tried that house last week. I ain't goin' there any more," replied Tramp No. 2.
"'Fraid on account of the dog?"
"Me trousers are."
"Trousers are what?"
"Frayed on account of the dog."
