The painter was required to render an itemized bill for his repairs on various pictures in a convent.
The statement was as follows:
Corrected and renewed the Ten Commandments 6.00
Embellished Pontius Pilate and put a new ribbon on his bonnet 3.06
Put a new tail on the rooster of St. Peter and mended his bill 4.08
Put a new nose on St. John the Baptist and straightened his eye 2.06
Replumed and gilded the left wing of the Guardian Angel 5.06
Washed the servant of the High Priest and put carmine on his cheeks 2.04
Renewed Heaven, adjusted ten stars, gilded the sun and cleaned the moon 8.02
Reanimated the flames of Purgatory and restored some souls 3.06
Revived the flames of Hell, put a new tail on the devil, mended his left hoof and did several odd jobs for the damned 4.10
Put new spatter-dashes on the son of Tobias and dressing on his sack 2.00
Rebordered the robe of Herod and readjusted his wig 3.07
Cleaned the ears of Balaam's ass, and shod him 2.08
Put earrings in the ears of Sarah 5.00
Put a new stone in David's sling, enlarged Goliath's hand and extended his legs 2.00
Decorated Noah's Ark 1.20
Mended the shirt of the Prodigal Son, and cleaned the 1.00
———
53.83
JOKES
The joke maker's association had a feast. They exploited their humorous abilities, and all made
merry, save one glum guest. At last, they insisted that this melancholy person should contribute to
the entertainment. He consented, in response to much urging, to offer a conundrum:
"What is the difference between me and a turkey?"
When none could guess the answer, the glum individual explained:
"I am alive. They stuff turkeys with chestnuts after they are dead."
KINSHIP
The urchin was highly excited, and well he might be when we consider his explanation:
"They got twins up to sisters. One twin, he's a boy, an' one twin, she's a girl, an' so I'm a uncle an' a
aunt."
* * *
The Southern lady interrogated her colored cook, Matilda, concerning a raid made on the chickenhouse
during the night.
"You sleep right close to the chicken-house, Matilda, and it seems to me you must have heard the
noise when those thieves were stealing the chickens."
"Yes, ma'am," Matilda admitted, with an expression of grief on her dusky features. "I heerd de
chickens holler, an' I heerd the voices ob de men."
"Then why didn't you go out and stop them?" the mistress demanded.
Matilda wept.
"Case, ma'am," she exclaimed, "I know'd my old fadder was dar, an' I wouldn't hab him know I'se
los' confidence in him foh all de chickens in de world. If I had gone out dar an' kotched him, it
would have broke his ole heart, an', besides, he would hab made me tote de chickens home foh
him."
