Words in a Sentence

Words in a Sentence

• Use TENACIOUS in a sentence.
  I went to the shoe store to buy a pair of TENACIOUS.
• Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT,and DETAIL in a sentence.
  DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE,first DEFEAT and then DETAIL.
• Use DEPOSIT in a sentence.
  I hear dripping in the sink. I think DEPOSIT is leaking.
• Use PERSUADING in a sentence.
  Jack and Jill got married on Nov. 1, 1997. So on Nov. 1, 998, theyare going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary.
• Use DEVASTATION in a sentence.
  Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION.
• Use IRAQ, EGYPT, and IRAN in a sentence.
  I threw IRAQ at EGYPT and then IRAN.
• Use PAUL four times in a sentence.
  PAUL, be carePAUL, you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL.
• Use CUISINE in a sentence.
  I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a CUISINE math.
• Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in a sentence.
  At the gas station, some people PAMPERS and some PAPERS.
• Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
  (phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
• Use AFFECT in a sentence.
  Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
• Use ADIEU in a sentence.
  If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.
• Use DECANTER in a sentence.
  You can order that medicine over DECANTER.
• Use DEFLATE in a sentence.
  Can you please wash DEFLATE for me?
• Use DELETION in a sentence.
  The balat of DELETION is crispy.
• Use DESPISE in a sentence.
  Who baked all DESPISE?
• Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence.
  I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic.

AND NOW FOR THE PINOYS WHO CAN READ AND UNDERSTAND FILIPINO

• Use BORROW in a sentence.
  Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.
• Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.
  Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.
• Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
  Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, CONTEMPLATE.
• Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know what this is, it's a city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA)
  Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun, pero, ma-ARTESIA.
• Use CADET in a sentence.
  CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi._ Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya.
• Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
  Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.
• Use CENTURION in a sentence.
  Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.
• Use DEDICATE in a sentence.
  Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan.
• Use DEFIED in a sentence.
  What is 2 + 3?_ Eh DEFIED, dali naman niyon

• Use DELICACY in a sentence.
  Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo.

• Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence.
  Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya pwede na tayong kumain.
• Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
  Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok.
• Use LAITY in a sentence.
  Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.
• Use MENTION in a sentence.
  Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.

Word on the Blackboard

Word on the Blackboard

One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had  written the word 'PENIS' in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class.

The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'PENIS' again; this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one.

Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

Which Part Went to Heaven First?

Which Part Went to Heaven First? 

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."

The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand.

He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."

"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up.

"Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet."

The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.

He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.

What their Dad do for a Living

What their Dad do for a Living 

A Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living.

Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail."

Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick peoplebetter."

All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny.

The teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?"

Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?"

"He turned blue and shit on the carpet."

What Johnny Saw

What Johnny Saw 

I young female teacher was giving an assignment to her sixth grade class one  day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly, there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Patrick?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yelled, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reached to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asked, "What's so funny Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yelled, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more  severe. I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she dropped the eraser when she turned around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there was an enormous burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turned to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going, Little Johnny?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Use the Word Fascinate

Use the Word Fascinate 

Little Johnny was in school one day and the teacher asked the class to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "When I went to the zoo, the elephants fascinated me."

"That's good" said the teacher, "but I want you to use the word fascinate."

Another little girl raises her hand and says, "The clouds in the sky are very fascinating"

"That's good" said the teacher, "but I want you to use the word fascinate."

Finally Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thought to herself, "There is no way he can say anything dirty with this word."

Little Johnny says "My older sister has this sweater with ten buttons on it, but her boobs are SO large that she can only fascinate"

Use the word Definitely

Use the word Definitely 

A nursery school teacher asks her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

The first little girl answers, "The sky is definitely blue," but the teacher says,

"Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange, or purple and pink."

A second little boy answers, "Trees are definitely green." The teacher says,

"Sorry, Timmy, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK", says Johnny, "then I have DEFINITELY shit in my pants!"

Use Contagious in a Sentence

Use Contagious in a Sentence 

So this teacher is teaching her grade four class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.'

She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several people stick up their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from  kids with mumps, 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious," and the teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!"

Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up, at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" she says.

Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin around, and we saw our  blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush,  and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, "Jesus, it's gonna take that CUNT AGES to finish that fence."

Use Beautiful Twice in a Sentence

Use Beautiful Twice in a Sentence 

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of  hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and  it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"

Two Syllable Words

Two Syllable Words 

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."

"Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day"

"Does anyone know another word."

"I do, I do, me me me" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

"OK Mike, what is your word."

"Saturday." says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables..."

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word, pick me....."

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four  syllables, that certainly is a mouthful"

"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."

Study on Recreation Preferences

Study on Recreation Preferences 

The National Science Foundation announced the followingstudy results on corporate America recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.

2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.

3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.

4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.

5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.

CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.

Something Exciting

Something Exciting 

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could  be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnny.

"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know" said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Unusual Event

Unusual Event 

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that  happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.

It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."

"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"

"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday

Troublesome Twins

Troublesome Twins 

One day, Mrs. Martin the third grade teacher decided she'd had enough with the shenanigans of two troublesome students of hers, twin brothers named Clinton and Gore. The two brats were always yelling, swearing, pulling girls' ponytails, picking fights, etc. So Mrs. Martin decided to write a letter to the boys' mother. It went like this:

"Dear Mrs. Appleby:

I am writing in regards to your sons, who are incessantly disrupting my class. It makes it very difficult to educate my students when they insist on being a nuisance. I would ask you to either discipline these two boys to the level expected of a responsible parent, or move them someplace else.

P.S. Your two boys claim that their names are 'Clinton' and 'Gore.' Is this true, or are they putting me on?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Martin

The very next day, Mrs. Martin got a reply.

"Dear Mrs. Martin:

First of all, the name is Miss Appleby, not Mrs. And if you had two little bastards, what would you call them?!

Sincerely,

Miss Appleby

Smart Ass Dictionary

Smart Ass Dictionary 

ADULT:

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:

A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:

Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:

The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:

A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

GOSSIP:

A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF:

Cold Storage.

INFLATION:

Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH:

A female moth.

MOSQUITO:

An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:

Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:

Something you tell to one person at a time.

YAWN:

An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:

Something other people have. You have character lines.

TOMORROW:

One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Show & Tell Assignment

Show & Tell Assignment 

A Kindergarten teacher gave her class the Show & Tell assignment of bringing something to represent their religion.

The first little boy went to the front of the room: "My name is Benjamin. I'm Jewish and this the Star of David."

The second little boy also spoke from the front: "My name is Thomas. I'm Catholic and this is the Crucifix."

The third little boy: "My name is Bobby. I'm Baptist and this is a casserole."

Sexual Morality Lecture

Sexual Morality Lecture 

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on  sexual morality.

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure  worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

Sex Education

Sex Education

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.

Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."

"Very good, William," cooed the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.

"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.

Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand.

With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.

"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians, and they all attacked at one time. He killed every one of them with his two guns."

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"

"It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."

Sensory Exploration

Sensory Exploration

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic  fruits.

Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these, ", announced the teacher.

Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."

Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"

School's Out

School's Out

It is near the end of the school year and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break. The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each question I ask may leave early."

Little Johnny thinks to himself, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first."

The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?" Before Johnny  could open his mouth Susie said "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may leave."

Johnny was mad that Susie answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'I have a dream'?" Before Johnny could open his  mouth Mary said "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may leave."

Johnny was even madder that Mary answered first.

The teacher asked "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Nancy said "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave."

Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher said "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?"