Heart Attack

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage ... he had a heart attack.

The doctor advised him to cut out sex to prolong his life.

He went home, and he and his wife discussed the matter at length, and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs, to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living for, and so he headed upstairs.

He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming up to die."

She laughed and replied. "I was coming down to kill you."

Health Plan

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital. She walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating.

The intern asks the doctor, "Why is that man doing such a thing in the open?"

The doctor replied, "Oh, he has a medical condition where the sperm build up quickly in his body. He has to jack off constantly or he will explode."

The intern says, "Oh, I see."

They walk past another room where the intern sees a man lying on a stretcher getting a blow-job from a nurse.

This time she asks the doctor, "What's with that?"

The doctor replies, "Same condition, better health care plan."

Having a Bad Knee

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"

"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."

"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."

"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.

Headache Remedy

The two housewives were drinking coffee together.

"On my way over here," said Louise, "I developed an awful headache.

Do you have any good remedies?"

Her friend Martha responded:

"When I get a headache, my husband is the best remedy. He rubs my shoulders, then the back of my neck, caresses my breasts while kissing my tummy, and... Well, you can guess the rest.

In no time at all he's soothed the pain away. You should try it!"

"I'd love to," her friend replied. "What time does your husband get home?"

Head Cure

A man comes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen", says the doc "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand...especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom and, even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex...and almost always the headache is immediately gone. Give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

"Doc! I took your advice and it works! it REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well", says the physician, "I'm glad I could help".

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a really nice house."

Having a Bad Knee

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"

"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."

"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."

"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.

Great Dentist

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They're getting along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.

So the girl looks at him and says: "You must be a dentist!"

The guy all surprised says "Yes, how did you figure that out ?'

The girl says: "Easy you keep washing your hands"

One thing led to another. They make love and after they were done, the girl says: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"

The guy was very surprised, he says: "Yes, I sure am a great dentist how did you figure that out??'

The girl says: "Easy I didn't feel a thing."

Good & Bad News

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news.

The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Foreskin Wallet

A surgeon was retiring from his long and rewarding career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career, he had saved the foreskins of his patients in specimen jars as momentous, and now wished to fashion them into a souvenir.

So he brought his hundreds of specimens to a leathersmith, and asked him to craft an article of fine artistic quality. "I'll see what I can do," said the artisan, "Check back with me in one week."

The surgeon returned one week later, eager to see what magnificent article the leathersmith had made for him. But the leathersmith presented to him only a wallet. "All those foreskins and you make for me only a wallet? " exclaimed the surgeon.

The leathersmith replied, "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."

Follow Up Visit

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you`ve been giving me have really helped, but I`m afraid that you`re giving me too much. I`ve started growing hair in places that I`ve never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."