The $50 Bet

The $50 Bet 
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

Tax on Condom

Tax on Condom 
A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the blond, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

Scaring the Kid

Scaring the Kid 
A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted is hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
"You bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

Reloading

Reloading 
A bachelor finally gets this date with a well-endowed (but, needless to say, not too bright) blonde, and figures he'll get some action that night. So he decides to go up on the top of his apartment building and strip naked to get a tan. Well, unfortunately, he burns his cock by staying out too long. So he thinks he can put on some lotion and be alright for the night.
Well, that night he is sitting on his couch with the blonde when he gets an itching sensation. He can't take it anymore so he excuses himself and walks into the kitchen and pours a glass of milk and places his dick in it.
The blonde walks in a second later and says stunned, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

Personal Pizza

Personal Pizza 
One day after work, a blonde walked into a pizza parlor and ordered a small personal pizza.
When it was finished, the waiter asked the blonde if she wanted it cut into four pieces or eight.
The blonde thought a bit and said "Better make it four, I'd never be able to eat eight."

Painting Blonde

Painting Blonde 
This blonde was sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So she made up her mind that she would show her husband that blondes really are smart. One day, while he was at work, she purchased a can of paint and decided to repaint the living room.
Her husband arrived home at 5:30 and smelled the distinctive odor of paint. He walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He observed that she was wearing a ski jacket as well as a fur coat.
He went over to her and asked if she was OK. She acknowledged that she was.
He then asked what she was doing. She replied that she had set out to prove to him that not all blondes are dumb and, to do so, she had elected to paint the living room.
He then asked why she was wearing both a ski jacket and a fur coat.
Her response was that she had read the directions on the paint can and they said,
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Off Men for Life

Off Men for Life 
A young Blonde was telling her friend at a cocktail party that she was off men for life.
"They lie, cheat, and they are no good. From now on, when I want sex I'll use my vibrator."
"But what if the batteries run out? What will you do?" asked the friend.
"Same as I do with my boy friend, I'll fake the orgasm."

Experiment

Experiment 

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead that were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.

First they called the brunette in and asked her a question. "If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said, "Well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question.

In reply she said, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings."

They also said, "thank you", and that they would get back to her.

Next the blonde entered the room and they asked her the same question that they asked the brunette and the redhead.

"What planet would you like to go to?"

She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "Why? don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blonde smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night."

Mailbox in my Car

Mailbox in my Car  
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uhh...how's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around my zip code keeps changing."

Looks Like Semen

Looks Like Semen 
Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator.
The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: " OOOOOhhh that looks like semen." She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says "It feels like semen."
The redhead reaches out and touches it with her fingers, smells it, and says "It smells like semen."
The blonde reaches out and touches it with her fingers and then puts her fingers in her mouth and tastes it and says, "It doesn't taste like anyone in this building?"